directionless
2003-04-21, 12:23 p.m.
Legs slip-slip-sliding,
one over the other...
Shower-wet and sun-warm,
torn at junctions
Like skin meets bone
Meets the blade on the bathroom floor.
Like whiskey and coke
meet the boredom of the kitchen floor.
And I've been stuck like Calypso's Odysseus
at this crossroads for five years now,
Can't find the directions
I wrote on that napkin in '97;
stuck them in my pocket
and left my pants under someone else's bed
somewhere. along the road.
And I would be strolling carefree...
If I just. knew. where to go.
Just knew which road would lead me
safely to sanity,
But I lost those directions
so. long. ago.
And I wake up everyday in the same fucking place
seeing the same fucking faces
trying to replace the memory of the little
trailor-trash girl with the untied laces,
before the free-basin'
before the molestation
and incarcerations.
Before I lost all sense of direction,
Started carving right and left
into my arms
So I could remember which way was up.
Which way was wrong.
And they can fill me to the seams
With their pretty little pills
and psycho-ther-rape-me,
Lock me up with their Thallidymide dreams
until I come clean...
Find out what I mean
when i say...
I just... lost the road...
And maybe I shouldn't find it
Because...
being lost is all I've ever known.
And maybe I don't need your fucking directions...
Maybe I'll just sit here.
Until it's time.
to go home.
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