i love you pte...
2003-02-01, 7:43 p.m.
I was there...
when she came in bruised up and feverished.
when they found out she had neuroblastoma.
when her mom needed someone to cry on that day.
offerring smokes and money.
a place to stay.
I was there...
when she got her port.
when she started chemo.
when she got her first bone marrow transplant.
I was there...
when her eyelashes fell out.
when her platelets dropped to 1000.
watching her daddy rock her to sleep...
singing sweet spanish lullabies...
buenas noches, pte...
dormir bien, pte...
I was there...
when she got transferred to the PICU...
the night she stopped breathing...
her mommy beating on her chest...
she came back... smiling.
I was there...
for the Lakota cleansing rituals...
for the rubbing of the sage..
for the piss. and the shit. and the puke. and the blood.
I was there...
for her second birthday last month...
waving banners...
tromping about on all fours with a party hat on my forehead...
I was a unicorn that night.
And I was there tonight...
holding her mommy's hand...
when she finally decided that she'd had enough...
when her pulse dropped from 180 to 40...
and then to zero.
There's a new boss in heaven tonight...
2 years old and pissed the fuck off...
Her first word was NO
and so was her last...
and I hope she's givin' 'em hell.
buenas noches, pte...
dormir bien, pte...
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