Tim
2002-09-11, 11:57 p.m.
Lay back girl...
Take off your shirt
So I can see you better...
Lay back girl...
Why you grippin' the chair so hard?
You... scared?
Do I make you... nervous?
Come on girl...
It'll only take a minute...
It won't hurt... too bad.
Lay back girl...
-------------------------------------
I lay back...
Be a good little girl...
Do as I'm told...
Do unto others as I would have them do unto me...
Isn't that the Golden Rule?
Golden rule for this little golden girl...
Follow the rules...
Follow the path...
Straight and narrow...
Straight as an arrow...
Straight as an arrow,
I lie back, board flat...
Abdomen rising and falling with each shallow breath...
Hands shakin'.
Knees quakin'.
Nipples paying homage to some higher power...
My body is no longer my temple,
But a map
For others to trace their travels upon...
---------------------------------------------
And he does...
Hands playin some invisible instrument on my gut.
I am his keyboard.
I am his kettle drum.
I am his clicking castanets.
I am his blank canvas.
I am his.
For three and a half hours...
I am his.
He's rubbin' a hole in no-man's-land...
An inch above the shy curls
Of my pubic hair...
An inch above my sanity...
Two inches above illegal.
My eyes closed tight.
My teeth clenched.
It's not too late to say no.
Not too late to cash in my chips,
Head for the door...
Not too late... until...
Until.
It is.
-------------------------------------------
One hairy arm thrust across my chest,
One arm out of my line of sight...
Jackhammer
pound
pound
POUNDING
in my ears...
Wallpaper peeling...
Sweat pooling on black vinyl...
His rod tearing my babygirl flesh.
Starting
and stopping
STARTING
and STOPPING.
And I'm screaming.
PLEASE FUCKING STOP.
PLEASE FUCKING LET ME BREATHE.
PLEASE FUCKING BACK OFF.
FUCKING PLEASE.
PLEASE. please stop.
Please stop.
please.
-------------------------------------
Baby girl, it will only be a minute.
Please let me finish.
You'll never regret this.
Sweat drips from the tip of his nose,
Deftly turning my belly button
Into a small salt-water pond.
Funny the things you think in times like these.
And he keeps on, quicker now.
His breath hot on my skin.
Dragging his rod over my bloody flesh...
Dragging designs through the ink he spilled...
His fluid and mine mingling
In garish designs in my tight tiny curls.
----------------------------------------------
And... it was over.
He handed me a bandaid
Flesh tone...
(Apparently everyone on this planet is peach colored...)
As if that could someone heal the damage he had caused.
And... amazingly... I didn't regret it...
I dropped my eighty dollars off at the door...
Didn't catch his name...
Tim... I think...
I left... wondering if anyone would notice...
If I somehow would look different...
If anyone could see what had happened...
Until I pulled off my shirt...
And showed them my newest scar...
My freshest ink...
My new tattoo...
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